IFS is an experiential therapeutic modality that is more than symptom management. It addresses the roots of suffering. I offer it to you because it’s both the primary approach for my own personal growth work and because it’s effective with my clients.

A foundation of IFS is the concept of multiplicity, that we are made up of many parts or subpersonalities. Here is a simple example: A part may be striving or pushing, trying to get you to work harder. Another part may respond by scrolling on your phone or watching Netflix. Another part may jump in to criticize you for wasting time or doing nothing.

When conflicting parts pull on us, we often feel lost or stuck. We go around and around, identifying with each part as if it is the whole and only truth. But if it that were the case, then why would our experience change so dramatically from moment to moment or day to day? Our experience is often controlled by whichever parts are taking the lead and driving us.

In IFS therapy, we welcome all parts. Yes, even the ones we don’t like or seem to get in the way of our goals. Not because we’re trying to feed or strengthen parts that cause us harm, but because fighting them leaves us in a war with ourselves and avoiding, ignoring, or pushing them way tends to make them louder and more demanding—it makes them more extreme in their roles.  

All parts have good intentions—they are trying to help us. If we slow down and pay attention, we will often notice they are working damn hard, so hard in fact, that their efforts cause undue suffering. An anxious part is trying to make sure you are prepared for the unexpected. A depressed part is trying to keep you away from the dangers of hope. Both of them have good intentions, but the overwhelming force, the sense that they have to do what they have to do, is ruling your life.

So, together, we get curious. We get to know these ones inside of you, and through building a relationship with them and listening to their stories, we learn why they do what they do and what they are protecting. Through understanding and connection, they grow in trust that you can be the one leading your life. They know that you will take them into consideration without them needing to take over.

The benefits are more balance, ease, and self-compassion. Less spinning, internal conflict, and feeling stuck. A better relationship with yourself and with others. Actions that are more aligned with your goals and desires. More time feeling like yourself.

A lot of people come into therapy wondering what they can do to change themselves. I get it. You want a better life--do something different. But my guess is that you’ve already tried that. In IFS therapy, we focus on the internal shifts that lead to external change. If this sounds interesting to you, please reach out.